Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
