I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
