yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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