my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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