Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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