Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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