My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
