My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
