her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize