I'm jealous of your bromance
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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