I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
