so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
