I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
