If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
