I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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