I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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