You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
