I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
