I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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