i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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