can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
