Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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