Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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