So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think people are normalizing furries
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
