If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
