I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
