How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
