I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
