You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
