I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
