they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
