There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
