He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
