I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
