True but thats because hes a fetus.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
