Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
