Ketchup is God's man juice
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
