we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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