i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
