No awkward lesbian experiences without me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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