Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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