My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
