new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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