Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
