farters have to be the big spoon...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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