My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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