he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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