Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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