I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
