At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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