Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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