Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
