But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
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Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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