When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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