You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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