remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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