So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
