"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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