I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
