I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
