Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
