they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
