the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
People in love make me want to vomit
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
