He is such a slut. More and more my type.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
