I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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