get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
