the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
no you cant smoke seaweed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
