idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
