Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Shame - the story of my life.
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