i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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