dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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