you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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