I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
