I just saw a hot homeless man
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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