I can't watch pbs sober anymore
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
