as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
