Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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