I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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