I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
